A Bad Teacher ❤️️
Tuesday, 24 July 2018 @ 00:19


Hola everybody! I am writing this post while sitting behind my desk at school while peacefully watching the students passing through. I guess I am lucky to have a seat by the window, facing all the classrooms 😊

The view from my seat!

So as you could have easily predicted based on my title, Im going to write my very honest opinion and feeling of being a teacher. At first, I didnt plan to use my profession as one of my blog's topic but due to demands and requests I have been receiving lately, here it is finally. I waited for few days before actually started writing this post because I honestly want to write a post based on my sincerest feeling without any influence such as being moody, too tired or sleepy 😂
So first lemme tell you why I chose to be a teacher. Its actually thanks to my late mother, arwah Helen who was a teacher herself. A counselling teacher loved by all her students due to her soft, gentle and loving manners. When I was still a little child, I actually planned to be a businesswoman but one day, she told me that she will be happy if one of her children will follow her career path. I dont really believe in my two brothers so after thinking about it for quite a long time, I decided that if its not me, nobody will. As to why I chose English as my major, its also thanks to my late mother. I always watched her struggling to finish her assignments and thesis because she was really bad in English. She would pay other people to translate her works and if she have to do a presentation, she will memorize everything because she really cant do any impromptu speech using English language. Being the only daughter at that time, I vow to become good in English so that I can help her later. Well, I guess I never get the chance to help her but at least I have a very concrete reason as to why I wanted to be an English language teacher.

Asked my boys to 'pura-pura rajin' and they automatically posed like this

Now that I am almost reaching my goal to be an English teacher and fulfill all my promises, I cant deny that I have fell madly in love with my career. English is fun and being a teacher is also fun. But is fun enough to keep me going? No. Definitely no. The path to be a teacher aint easy and being a teacher is also not easy. I often question myself, "Do I really have what it takes to be a good teacher? Can the children really understand what Im teaching? How do I make them to listen to me?" and all sorts of questions that keep on running in my mind. To be honest, i dont know. I guess I will never know. Because how do we measure our  own self? Wont our judgement definitely be biased and full of pretense? 

Some might say that a good and successful teacher is a teacher who managed to make all her students pass the exam with flying colours. A teacher who can proudly say "All my students got an A in the exam!'. Isnt that what it means to be a good teacher. Perhaps it is. And do I have the power to do that? No I dont. I mostly teach the lower proficiency classes and dont even mention of making them score A, until now I still struggle to make my kids to at least just pass their exam. Some finally show improvement, some havent. So does that mean I am a failure as a teacher? Maybe I am.

So I failed to teach them, how do I deal with that? I went to my lecturer once. Confessed to him about my problem. And you know what he said? "You have done your best havent you Luna? Have you been facing difficulties to sleep because you worry about your students so much? Have you slept late just to carefully plan your lessons differently according to each class proficiency level? Have you ever approached your students and listened to their problems? Did you ever hug your students and felt a huge amount of love for them? If yes, then you dont worry anymore Luna. You ARE a good teacher already".

Of course, I cried listening to that. I realized that I am a good teacher already in my children's eyes. I've tried my best to deliver whatever knowledge I have with me to them. I planned all my lessons carefully because I know their preference already. For this class, they love groupwork, that class prefer outdoor lesson, that other class like it best when I talk to them softly and sweetly. I planned my lessons to fulfill their needs so that even if they cant understand everything that Im trying to teach them, they would at least have a good time in my class.
With my form 1 and form 2 kids

'Mother, Mom, Mummy' are not title I gave myself. Its what my children been secretly calling me behind my back. Why? Because I always try my best to listen to their story, to their problem, to whatever they wish to tell me. So that even if I failed to teach them anything, I want to at least be able to share their burden with them. I want to protect them with everything I have. I cant even tell you guys how much I love my kids. They heal me. Until this day, I am still struggling to let go of my sadness due to my dad passing away but whenever Im with my children, I feel so at peace. Doesnt that tell you how much I love them?

Therefore to conclude this honest confession of mine, I would just simply tell you that: I have no idea how to be a good and successful teacher. I honestly dont and I dont plan to be one.  All I know is that Ive done my very best for my kids, I love them dearly and will always love them. Maybe to some of you, my mindset is wrong. I should be focusing on their academic achievement instead of just showering them with love. Well, be my guest. Teaching them lesson in class will be useful for their upcoming exam. But I want to do more than that. I want to be someone who also teach them life lesson. Someone they can look up to, someone they know will be there for them. Because at the end of the day, I just wanna be able to proudly tell people that, "My kids really love me". That will be my ultimate goal as a teacher. In sha Allah ❤️️
Forever, in sha Allah